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Tom Foolery

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Puff Daddy.

Spring continues to unfold in a somewhat ferocious fashion, here in the Boonies. We went from winter to summer in the space of about one week, back in March, reaching temperatures above 90º. Seriously, in March? That’s just wrong. And then it got cold again. And now, here we are, a teeny outpost of human encroachment in a sea of green leaves and ticks,  fully engulfed by the woods again.

But with the ticks, come the turkeys. You may remember from my last post on turkeys (the one about Lord and Lady Boonie) that a male turkey is called a gobbler, or a tom. A young male is called a jake. A female turkey is called a hen, or a Jenny.

Did you know a turkey’s head changes color, depending on his mood? This guy’s mood ring indicates that he’s feeling amorous. He is Lookin’ for Love.
The red that you see on these guys necks indicates aggression. Their mood ring is set to Ready to Rumble.

And in spring, as with young men, a young tom’s fancy turns to love. And to hens.

Could this be the true origin of the term Red Neck? It would make sense…

 So as the Easter parade of Toms struts by our door,  my husband goes out to his camo clubhouse (aka: a blind, but it looks like a camo tent with a window), and shoots a few birds. With his Nikon.

And to make it even more fun, he brings along his blow-up doll.

She’s a hen. She needs a name.

We’ve given a name to the hen’s boyfriend. Because, we have a male decoy, too. He’s made by a company that calls him “B-Mobile”. But we call him T-Mobile. Because he’s a turkey. The “T” is for turkey. The decoy company that makes her calls her She-Mobile. But, I’m thinking about naming her Cather-hen Zita Jones. Does that work, do you think?

 Anyway, when you go out in our yard, in the springtime, and you set up old T-Mobile, with his lovely tail of real turkey feathers on display, and Cather-hen close to his side, you get to engage in a lot of Tom Foolery.
This is not hard to do, because turkeys have teeny tiny brains to begin with. And in the spring, with all their turkey hormones a-pumping, their brains are in their…feathers. Somewhere further south than their heads, at least.

Those visiting real life turkeys see the fake blow-up Tom turkey all fanned out, and they get kind of disturbed that there are interlopers in their woods, and they want to know what’s going on. And who his girlfriend is.

And they come to investigate.

And my husband shoots the bird.

With his Nikon.

And today, you get to benefit from the harvest! How great is that?

Here, we have Mutt and Jeff, the real turkeys, on the right, checking out T-Mobile and his fabulous babe, Cather-hen Zita Jones. Much to our delight, these fellers are looking for love, in all the wrong places.

“Is she for real? I’m thinking she might have implants.”

“Huh???” Can’t you hear the cogs and wheels in his teeny tiny brain spinning, as he checks out the plastic guy’s Silicone Sweetie?
“Hey…wait a minute….”

*All puns and plays on words in this post are strictly intentional. Deal with it.

All right, you turkeys gentle readers, you know you want to say something. Leave me a comment: love me some comment crack. Also, if you enjoyed this post, feel free to share it!

P.S This post was selected as “A Good Read” by Hilary at The Smitten Image! Thanks, Hilary!