Susan in the Boonies is Out of the Office Today

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Today is Susan in the Boonies’ birthday, so she’s taking a vacation day from her Wild Life In The Woods. I’m Lindsey, (aka the Big Bison) the Guest Birthday Poster, and I’ll attempt to hold your attention until Susan returns to her Wild Life In The Woods.

Every year around our house, Susan’s birthday, January 30th, seems to last longer and longer.

First: There’s the “Dinner Out Evening”, where we make some poor server set one of the house deserts on fire and sing happy birthday to the Birthday Girl. This year’s edition was a bit unsatisfying because the server begged off the singing portion. He said we really didn’t want to hear him sing. REALLY? This is Music City, where all waiters and waitresses aren’t even considered for the job unless they possess world class vocal chops…

When you reach a certain age, lighting all the birthday candles requires the Fire Dept. to be on standby.

Second: There’s the Birthday Dinner at Home, where I attempt to cook something that will wow and impress the Birthday Girl. About the only way I can do this is to cook or smoke something on the grill. Like, maybe,

BIRTHDAY BUTT:

Editor’s Note: Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like sticking some candles in your butt.

Third: The Baking of the Birthday Cake. Last year I found a recipe from Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa. for her best birthday cake. The recipe called for kosher salt. I went to the pantry and pulled out the only box of kosher salt we have, which was “coarse ground”, not realizing you can procure kosher salt that is “finely ground” from the grocery store, (And let me just insert, here, that I really do not like going to the grocery store because there’s just so much stuff in them and I tend to glaze over and get lost in the aisles from sensory overload. Why can’t they just have a kosher salt store? I could be in and out in less than a minute, unless there’s a line but I digress)*

*EDITOR’S NOTE: This appears to the editor to be a digression on a digression, but let’s not split hairs. Or salt crystals. Returning you now to the whine already in progress.

…I used the coarse ground variety. It’s possible the result was not a cake of which Ina would have approved. There were these little rocks of kosher salt throughout the cake.

Editor’s Note: Here we see the decorating prowess of the Guest Poster in action, in last year’s offering.

So this year I found this cake recipe over on Love and Olive Oil’s website: a bourbon layer cake with chocolate buttercream icing….the picture there makes me drool and drool is very often a happy thing.*

*EDITOR’S NOTE: this recipe was originally shown to the Guest Post Author by the Editor, as a potential birthday cake for the Guest Post Author. The Editor was willing to prepare this cake for the birthday of the Guest Post Author, because the Editor KNOWS how much the GUEST POST AUTHOR likes bourbon. So the Editor questions exactly WHO this cake is for in the first place. Back to the ongoing whine, still in progress.

But, we have this 14 year old daughter who, shocking though it may be, does.not.like.chocolate. I’d say it’s possible that she was switched at birth with another baby in the hospital, except that we do have this photographic evidence that clearly shows she’s ours:

Editor’s Note: Nothing ugly can be said about such surpassing cuteness.

But back to this year’s cake: taking into account that our daughter doesn’t like chocolate, I decided to try to make the bourbon cake into cupcakes. This will allow the rest of the family to have chocolate icing and our daughter to ice her cupcake however she wants. My plan is for this to be our little version of cupcake wars.

So, I got my bake on and this is what happened:

Editor’s Note: This is what the Guest Poster likes to refer to as “getting his bake on”.

Fourth: there’s apparently going to be a Public Viewing of the Birthday Girl, at another local restaurant with some of her friends. Sorry: no pics of that, because that is in the works for tonight.

Oh and just so you’ll know, this year we were unable to schedule Event #2, the Birthday Dinner at Home, before Jan 30th, due to other obligations, so, we’ve got that ahead of us one night this week. Susan wants a nice juicy steak cooked on the grill. That I can do, without too much trouble (like going to the grocery store multiple times because I forgot to get one or two ingredients because I was overcome by the amount of stuff on the shelves….I’m digressing again.)*

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Even though the birthday celebrations may SEEM to be a bit spread out over a long period of time, this post is starting to suffer from the same malady. Get on with it, Dude. Back to the whine. Again.

The Birthday Cupcakes will likely be long gone by the time we have the Birthday Dinner at Home and I’m hoping to slide by without having to get my bake on again for that meal as that may make this day of days, January 30th, last even longer.*

*INSERT EDITORIAL EYE ROLLING.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m wildly in love with the woman who lives her Wild Life In The Woods and am grateful for every day I have to share life with her. Now you may be wondering how old Susan is on this day of days…..well, all I’ll say is she’s old enough to know better than to let me cook in her kitchen.

Happy Birthday Susan, and my birthday wish for you is that we have many, many more years to celebrate January 30th.

Love,

Lindsey (aka The Big Bison)*

*EDITOR’S FINAL NOTE: It’s his first blog post. Y’all be nice to him in your comments.

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