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Uninvited Dinner Guest

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We invited some wonderful friends over for dinner last night.

After they arrived, the Big Bison’s hunting buddy asked him if he would show him the fateful spot where my husband was splitting wood the afternoon he had his heart attack. Deacon D. Dawg walked out to the wood pile with them, and, as is his habit, he hauled a great big piece of firewood back to the house in his jaws, just to show off his Mad Retriever Skillz.

Is this boy proud or what? How about them ears???

We think that little walk might have been what stirred up the trouble.

They might have trespassed onto what something else viewed as its territory.

Because, otherwise, there’s really no accounting for what happened next.

During their little walk to the woodpile, the other guests arrived, and so everyone came inside, and we did introductions for those who were unacquainted, and we were just about to put the food on the table, when, from behind me, I heard my husband’s hunting buddy make a loud, kind of high-ish pitched noise that sounded like this:


Now, this guy’s a pretty tough guy, and, in general, not prone to making girly sounding noises, and so I thought, “This must be something significant for him to make a sound like that. I better check it out.” And I quickly turned and went to the kitchen door where he was standing, looking outside. And saw this:

The uninvited guest. 
Note the triangular shaped head.
What you may not realize that you’re seeing in that picture is the rattle at the end of his tail.
Which he began shaking violently.
The women at the door all shrieked. 
SnakyBoy stared us down malevolently.
For five minutes.
The noise of his rattle was so loud, at first, I thought it was cicadas. Till he stopped rattling for a moment. And then resumed. 
We were held hostage.
Did you know it’s against the law to kill a snake of any kind in the state of TN?
At this point, the book that comes to mind is that horrific monstrosity by O.J. Simpson, entitled “If I Did It”.
So, I’m not going to tell you exactly how my story ended.
Two of our guests are authoring a wild game cookbook, and I will tell you that I did NOT come up with an impromptu recipe last night for rattlesnake. Maybe I missed a serendipitous moment. I don’t know.
But I WILL say that my husband is a man among men, a mighty man, whom I love more than I could ever possibly say, and whom I trust to protect me, as we live our Wild Life in the Woods, amongst the wildlife in the woods.
I will also say that it’s hard to get two hunting buddies together, present them with an aggressive, fat, 4 foot venomous snake, and not come up with a creative and effective solution for how to handle the problem.
And that, honestly, if you’d been in my kitchen, held hostage, after business hours, would you really have wanted SnakyBoy to wander away from the porch? Because…you know…at some point….you have to get to your car to high tail it outta here.
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