Deacon D. Dawg

You know, really, the better title for this post might be “What Was I THINKIN”???”

Actually, I know what I was thinking. I was thinking that they were all so CUTE!!!

All 11 of those little yellow Labrador puppies!!! Just lined up, standing up, with their front paws resting on top of the chicken wire fence surrounding their pen, waiting for us as we drove up, tails wagging so hard they were creating a breeze. Oh, my GOSH, they were so cute!!!

We lost our heads, in a moment of madness.

We had lost Memphis a year and a half earlier. That would be St. Memphis, the Good, as she is now known.

Memphis was the dog my dear husband bought me when we bought our first house, and had no children. A black Labrador-lookalike mutt, she was actually half German Pointer, half Golden Retrrever. With Memphis, it was love at first sight, too, but rightfully so. She was the smartest, and the best dog I have ever known. She spoke English, lived to please me, and chased and caught Frisbees like a machine. She was the Best. Dog. Ever.

Simply ever.

When she died, I could hardly bear to go on without her.

But, my daughter had reached the age of 3, and the piles of unlicked up crumbs underneath the high chair reminded us on a daily basis that we had a huge void in our lives.

Why????Tell me WHY didn’t we buy a dust-buster???? Or a wet mop? Or something other than the “solution” we went for.

So that’s how Deacon D. Dawg came to live at our house.

I love him, but honestly.

We named him Deacon because I was seeking something unique, and I came across the name “deacon” in the Bible. And “Deacon” means “Servant”. And I thought, “Oh. He’ll be a servant to our family.”

Well, call me a cockeyed optimist. Because the only thing Deacon serves is himself.

He’s a plastivore, for gosh sakes. Lived the first three years of his life off all the children’s toys that he ate. So, besides as much kibble as he can snarf down his goozle, let me share with you some of the OTHER things my Bad Boy has consumed.

Things My White Chocolate Labrador Has Ingested:

Whatever was “grazing material” on the top of the garbage can
A rainbow of crayons
Multiple neon colors/types of Play-Doh
Myriad white socks worn by my children
A 5 year old visiting guest’s “camo” sock
Many “Littlest Pets” (miniature plastic animals belonging to my dear daughter)
Multiple Little Green Army Men
My dear husband’s leather glove
An orange stretchy plastic spider web with suction caps
Lots of hair scrunchies
Used feminine hygiene products
Ny sister’s knee-high hosiery

In his defense, he retrieves the paper every Saturday and Sunday (we have a weekend subscription – it’s not that he’s choosy). And last summer, when my dear husband was outside, barefoot, preparing to grill steaks, Deacon began to bark and bark and bark at the grill. The Big Bison finally thought he’d take a little look see under the grill since Deakie seemed to be aiming his fury in that direction, and low and behold a copperhead, coiled and ready for action was underneath, not 6 inches away from where The Big Bison’s nakey tootsies had been moments earlier. This earned DeakieBoy favored dog status, and so we have allowed him to live.

But HONESTLY. Apart from the snake and the paper retrieval, what WERE we thinking???,

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