*That* Susan Williams and the Sexiest Man Alive

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Now I KNOW y’all think I am talking about my Big Bison, and in point of fact, with a title like this one, I should be! There is no sexier man alive than my gorgeous hunk of a husband, and if you don’t share my opinion: well, good! More for me!!!

But, since lately I have been discussing on this blog “living without a mask”, I think it’s high time I unmasked myself, don’t you???

I thought you would.

Well, I was standing in Kroger on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, having gotten up early, early to make an early morning grocery run before the masses of humanity descended on the store. I must say, it was a pretty good time to do my shopping (7:30 AMish). Not too many other folks in the store, and room to push my shopping cart without getting too frustrated.

So, when I had finally accumulated all my stuff, I went to the checkout line. And, with my usual skill at choosing checkout lines, I chose the line that ended up going the slowest. So, I waited. And waited. No forward movement. So, I looked for a magazine to help me pass the time.

What I am about to share with you next is a true, completely uncensored REAL LIFE PEEK into the inner workings of the mind of a Boonie Woman. Here are the totally uncensored thoughts that went through my mind at the checkout counter at Kroger:

“Anything interesting to read while I wait? Hmmm….not really…:nothing much but National Enquirer and rags like it. But wait: what’s that??? Ah! A copy of People Magazine! And what’s that headline? The Sexiest Man Alive? Hmmm….wonder who they’ve picked this year….let’s just take a quick look/see… ”

“Johnny Depp….hmm….well…he’s handsome, alright….just saw him in our Chick Flick the other day, “Chocolat”….lovely brown eyes, and high cheekbones…. of course….he’s really not my particular cup of tea….hmmm….what else is in here…..hmmm….Sexiest Men through the decades….Who are these guys…hmmmm….there’s like 50 little head shots here on one page of….hmmm….sexy men through the decades……hmmm….there’s men in their 20’s….I’ve never heard of most of these guys…. 30’s , 40’s…..say, there’s some cute ones there….ooooooh, that Matthew Fox….50’s….they’re a little old looking in this line….Maybe I’m more of a cougar than I thought….., hmmmm….what’s on this next page….Oh, my gosh, it’s some guy in a Speedo mowing his lawn….at the office…. good grief…he looks RIDICULOUS….”

Long about this moment, as I am cracking up at the various pictures of Jerry McGuire all around town in his underwear, a voice breaks into my consciousness:

“Well, Susan, have you decided which one you like yet?”

Oh. My. Gosh.

Blood rushes to my face as rapidly as sweat rushes to my armpits. It’s Debbie! One of the ladies from my BIBLE STUDY!!!!

She carries on, undaunted: “I’ve been standing here watching you for the loooongest time, waiting for you to make up your mind which man you liked the best…..”

(There is a roguish twinkle in her eyes. Debbie is the Queen of DropDeadDry Delivery.)

Well, we hooted aloud together at that point, and brought the cashier in on the joke, because she was FINALLY ready to begin checking out my groceries, and she seemed to get a pretty large charge out of me being caught by one of the ladies from my Bible Study as well.

I may be married – but I ain’t blind, kids. And a fine looking man….is, well, absolutely a fine looking man. God created beauty, and it’s lovely to behold.

And the Bison himself remains The Sexiest Man Alive in my own personal magazine. But, that’s not for public consumption.